The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
