maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I want a musical about memes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
