Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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