So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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