Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
