I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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