is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
