i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
