somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
