The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
