How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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