you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
