***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
