hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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