Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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