yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
