I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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