I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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