The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
