My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize