I skipped work to stalk him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
