I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
