9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
