I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
