I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
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Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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