People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
