I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
