I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize