his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
