forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
