last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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