I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
