I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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