i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
