Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
