I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
