Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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