peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just cropdusted the office
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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