Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
