Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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