Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
