Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
