do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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