Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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