but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
where are my eyebrows?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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