Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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