do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
