It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
