Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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