I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
