There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
