at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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