Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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