Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
