So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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