He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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