Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
