I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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