I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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