the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
pray to the hookup gods
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
