This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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