I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
