my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
