Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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