Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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