YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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