apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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