i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
